Feeling a bit wobbly

Happy New Year!

If you follow me on FB, you will know already that I LOVE New Year! Always have, always will. It's that fresh feeling and the excitement of new beginnings.

But not this year!

This year, I have been a little more apprehensive. You see, I have given myself a rather huge goal to fulfil and I think it's playing on the back of my mind.

I have been pottering around with Cheeky Pickle for a few years now. Not being great with the business side of things and looking after my youngest at home, I have allowed myself these excuses to not push the business forward at the rate it should now be going. Seeing other businesses that have not been going for as long as myself, flying way ahead, is leaving me feeling rather pathetic with my silly excuses!

So I decided that if it doesn't happen this year, then it won't happen at all! If it doesn't happen soon, then I will pack Cheeky Pickle up and say goodbye to my business dreams once and for all. I thought that this huge kick up my own bottom would be enough to get me on the right path to where I should be.

However, all it seems to have done is make me question everything I do, stop my creative flow and make me ask the biggie, "am I really cut out for all this?"

I have started designing again this week and I must admit that with this added pressure (that I have put on myself!!!) I have really struggled. Here are a few designs that I have been playing with and the process I am battling with. You can see clearly that at the beginning I am questioning the whole "am I good enough" question. When I see my work so very different to what I'm used to doing, then I know that I am having major wobbles!

The water colours came out for this one!! Water colours! ME! I've not used watercolours since A level Art, never mind Degree level!

It wasn't working. Nothing was working! What I had in my head, just wasn't miraculously appearing on the paper as it usually does. So I decided to take a break and head down to the paper shop and immerse myself in my passion.....paper and colour!

So things now started to happen for me and I was seeing a way forward. The colours were singing out to me and I just allowed myself to go with it.

SO, am I finally happy with where it's going? The simple answer to that is, NO, I am never happy with my designs and I feel like I can always do better, I frustrate myself immensely! Is that just my personality? Is it just being a creative person? Or do I need to go and see a shrink?! LOL! "YES" I hear my husband screaming!!!

Not finished yet, but soon, I promise, very soon! Are you as mad and as frustrating as me? I'd love to know.

Ali xxxxx